Over a year ago, I wrote my last blog for 2011. For a while, I felt super guilty for not blogging. However, I finally realized that first things have to come first. And the truth is...blogging was just not a "first thing". So, I let go of the guilt and made myself a promise that no matter what, for the New Year, I was going to start blogging again. Well, here it is already June and I have yet to post a new blog! So, what have I been doing? I have been taking care of the first things: my family, my spiritual life, my house and our work with the church. I am pretty sad about the fact that my last year has not been documented at length (I have done journaling every day), but I have lots of pictures and I hope to periodically stick blogs in of what has been going on in our lives from May of 2011 up until now. So, I will probably have lots of "flashback" blogs! Because it is not that great things haven't been happening! It is just that life has been happening so fast, that I have not taken the time to blog about them!
In May of 2011, we went to a reentry program that was for missionaries who were returning to the U.S. from various countries. It was fabulous and exactly what we needed! One thing that has stuck with me that we learned there was that when you move from one country to another, you go through various phases. At first you live in your host country (the foreign country- in our case Paraguay) and you are "settled" there. We lived there for almost 8 years, so we were very settled there. Then you pack up your things and become "unsettled" and you prepare to move. Then you actually move to the new country (which can be your home country or another country, but in our case was back to our home country, the U.S.) and you go through the "chaos" phase. Every aspect of your life is totally different, even if you are returning to your home country. Plus, your home country has changed while you were away and you certainly have changed while you were away. Then, after time, you move into "unsettled" and gradually, the "settled" phase again. When we went to the program, we were in the midst of "chaos" and it was so comforting to actually be given a name for it and know that it was a very normal and necessary phase and part of the process. We moved to the U.S. in late February, but we didn't move into our house until May. And we bought a house that needed a lot of remodeling on the inside before we could move in and we continued that remodeling once we had moved in. My living room was loaded with boxes until around January or February of 2012. I remember people asking me at church if I was all settled in yet after we were just here for a few weeks and I wanted to scream, "are you kidding?" I guess most people just have no idea what all is involved in an international move. Especially with little kids! And when you add remodeling a house into the mix, it was literally "chaos" almost every day! I wanted to give a kind response to those who asked me if we were settled in, but I also wanted to be honest. It took us a very long time to feel settled. In fact, I would say that we were in "chaos" until the middle of the summer and then in the "unsettled" phased until early this year! It wasn't until February that we finally hung pictures up on our walls and unpacked the rest of the boxes in our living room. That was the most "settled" that I felt in over a year! Now, don't get me wrong, we have not been unhappy through this journey. We have enjoyed most of each of the phases. Even chaos was kinda fun at times, but it was exhausting! But it was still what it was- a feeling of complete chaos. So, when looking back over 2011, I see a physical journey from Paraguay to the U.S. early in the year, but I feel an emotional and spiritual journey from "settled" to "unsettled" to "chaos" to "unsettled" and finally, finally to "settled". And that is why I am now going to get back to the blogger again. I have arrived at the "settled" phase and have been there for a few months. I have longed for this feeling since we left Paraguay! And I feel like I have finally moved back in to the "productive" mode! Yippee! I am back to the blogger again!!
